Sauna

a
white house with
huge views and attached garage
two
cars
apple tree in the back
yard and my brother and i fighting
in the basement

we had chickens
for a few months
our coop had no roof
and they would
fly out the top and
tear up the yard
my mother was so
frustrated

so frustrated my
father in his office in the basement
with adjacent sauna that we
(i don't think)
never used
watching his life fall apart and
market forces ate my
college fund and his
retirement

poor planning that
house was poor planning a
fiscal disaster but
i french kissed a girl for the
first time in the doorway of my
room and from my window
the mountains were fucking
fantastic snow capped and
magnificent

when i moved in my best friend and i we
would build legos and have
sleepovers we still called them that
when
i moved out we had moved on to
wandering in the night
i remember
once talking to a policeman a block from the
house on the corner with a mouth full of
mushrooms i had eaten the whole bag and i
chewed frantically
the bitter taste spreading through my mouth to
(i remember feeling like)
my brain

after we moved out but before the house sold my
friends and i we all went there and
walked through the empty house and
sat in the barren livingroom downstairs and
smoked so much weed a proper
paean to financial ruin
life plans dissipating like
so much smoke

Birds

birds wake me up always,
birds and sunlight no matter
how much alcohol or how
little sleep.
i'd rather wake up with you
than anywhere else even
on this tiny couch
cramped and fetal.
your breath smells like cigarettes and
we both smell like sweat and
probably booze and
i want to kiss you anyway on the lips
but don't.
you shudder and shift,
relax and snore and
i hold you tighter and
drift half to sleep,
kiss your neck
soft.